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Hledá se nemo

Sakra že by špatný směr?

#402
Vis, proc carodejnice litaji na kosteti? Vakovy vysavac je moc tezky.

#403
Jeden clovek v teto dobe nemel penize a premyslel, jak je ziskat. V praci se
moc nevydelavalo, krast se bal. Nakonec se rozhodl, ze bude falsovat penize.
Dalsi dilema bylo, jake hodnoty. Usoudil, ze falsovat 200 koruny by se mu
nevyplatilo a 500 koruny se mu zdalo moc. Nakonec vyrobil falesnou 250 korunu.
Potom zvazoval, co koupit nejlevnejsiho. Nakonec se cely nervozni vydal do
trafiky koupit krabicku sirek. Pani v trafice mu prodala sirky a dostal
nazpatek tri sedmdesatikoruny, tricetikorunu, devitikorunu a osmdesatnik.

#404
"Proc tady neni doktor Rak?" pta se pacient?
"Je v nemocnici s otravou alkoholem."
"...Takovej chytrej a pije otravenej alkohol."

#405
Jak se spanelsky rekne potrat??? Adios Embryos.

#406
Vis, proc je mala rucicka na hodinkach tlustsi nez velka?
Protoze ma malo pohybu!

#407
"Pane mistr, mne se zlomila lopata!"
"Tak se opri o michacku!"

#408
Jednou tak jdu po prerii, a co nevidim.
Bizon.
Podivam se poradne a opravdu ho nevidim.

#409
"Ahoj bacile, jak se mas?"
"Aaale necitim se moc dobre, asi jsem chytil penicilin."

#410
Direktor v blazinci se rozhodl, ze da svym pacientum postavit bazen, protoze
posledni mesic velmi poslouchali. Rika jim:
"Kdyz budete poslouchat, budete se moct i koupat!"
Blazni, poteseni vidinou koupani, cely mesic poslouchaji. Direktor je rad
a tak je pusti do bazenu. Blazni skacou hlavicky, rybicky, pupkace a brzo pri
veceri, jim direktor rika:
"Kdyz budete, poslouchat jeste dalsi mesic, napustim vam do bazenu i vodu!"

#411
Novomanzel prijde domu mirne podnapily. Tchyne stoji ve dverich s metlou v ruce
a on se ji pta: "Ty zametas nebo jsi priletela?"

#412
Prijde chlapek k doktorovi a rika mu, ze chteji mit s manzelkou deti. Tak mu to
doktor ukaze, jak se to dela a rekne mu, aby to doma zkousel taky. Za 14 dni
prijde chlapek znova a rika mu, ze stejne neni jeho zena tehotna. Doktor mu
rekne, at to zkusi znova. Za dalsich 14 dni zase prijde a rika, ze porad neni
manzelka tehotna. Doktor mu povida:
"Vite co, radsi prijdte za mnou oba, a podivame se, proc vam to nejde."
Tak prijdou oba manzele a zacnou pred doktorem soulozit a jak tak soulozi, tak
najednou chlapek odbehne na zachod. Kdyz se vrati, tak se ho doktor pta, kam to
bezel, a chlapek povida:
"Vite, pane doktore, uz zase na me prislo to divny chcani!"

#413
Vis, proc je mesic bledy?
Protoze celou noc sviti a nevyspi se.

#414
"Proc tak places, Janicko?"
"Ale, otec spadl z kola."
"Neplac, vzdyt se mu nic nestalo."
"Ja vim, ale vsichni to videli a ja jsem to zmeskala!"

#415
Potkaji dva kamaradi:
"Jak se mas?", pta se jeden.
"Dobre, prave mi vysel prvni clanek."
"Jo? Ty jsi novinar?"
"Ne, mam tasemnici..."

#416
Jednoho dne se v chlapikovi ozve vnitrni hlas:
"Vyber si vsechny penize z konta."
On to tedy udela a pak zase ten tajemny vnitrni hlas:
"Bez do kasina."
Tak jde do kasina, tam uz zabava v plnem proudu. Tajemny vnitrni hlas zase:
"Vsad vsechny penize na trinactku."
On to udela a padne dvanactka.
Tajemny hlas: "Sakra!"

#417
Potka kanibal jineho kanibala, ktery si nese v podpazi urnu a vyjevene se ho
pta:
"Ty vole, kdes splasil instant?"

#418
Sebevrah stoji na Nuselskem moste a rozmysli se, jestli skocit dolu.
Se skripenim brzd u nej zastavi taxikar a pta se:
"Nechcete hodit do Nusli?"

#419
Vis, proc ma datel zobak? Aby si nerozbil hlavu.

#420
Vis, co hleda jednorukej ve meste? Second Hand.

#421
Vedec pozoruje chovani blechy a dela si zapisky:
1. Kdyz jsem rekl blese, aby skocila, poslechla mne a skocila.
2. Po opakovanem pozadavku blecha opet skocila.
3. Odejmeme-li blese nohy, blecha ohluchne.

#422
Leti si takhle vrana lesem ... "Kra, kra, kra" ... leti a najednou narazi do
stromu, padne na zem, po chvili se otrepe a...
"Ciri, ciri? Kuku, kuku? Huuu, huuu? Do prdele, tak jak to, sakra, bylo??"

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